X-Factor #71 (1991)


X-Factor #71 (October, 1991)
"Cutting the Mustard"
Writer - Peter David
Pencils - Larry Stroman
Inks - Al Milgrom
Letters - Michael Heisler
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Editor - Bob Harras
Chief - Tom DeFalco
Cover Price: $1.00



We open with Lila Cheney's bodyguard, Guido Carosella asking Lorna Dane if she happens to have any Grey Poupon.  Now, that's kind of a dated reference... so, a teeny bit of context.  Ya see, back in the early 90's, there were these commercials for Grey Poupon Mustard... featuring very classy individuals in fancy cars eating, ya know, things that go well with mustard.  One would pull up to another, roll down their window and inquire whether or not the other had any.  The answer would always come back, "but of course".  Here, have a look for yourself:



Lorna too replies "of course", because ya see... X-Factor has everything... including some of the tallest ceilings you'll ever hope to find anywhere.  Guido gets the mustard and positively slathers it all over a split loaf of Italian bread.  At the end of the table, Jamie Madrox struggles getting the lid off a jar of mayonnaise... lotsa condiment humor here.



Lorna and Guido discuss the possibility of Alex Summers joining up with this All-New, All-Different X-Factor... with the former having a bit of dilemma considering her personal history with Havok.  Meanwhile, Madrox continues to fiddle with the mayo jar.  He can't open the thing... even with the help of a dupe.  Guido and Lorna are also unsuccessful in their attempts.



We shift scenes over to Genosha, where Alex is acting as a sort of foreman for the post-X-Tinction Agenda rebuild.  Government liaison, Val Cooper is trying to convince him to sign on with X-Factor... but, Al ain't feelin' it.



Suddenly an I-Beam snaps from its supports and plummets toward Val and Al.  Alex plows the thing with an energy blast, just as Rahne Sinclair leaps onto the scene pushing the other Summers out of the way.  Val doesn't even flinch... she wasn't scared in the slightest, knowing Alex would protect her.



Back in Washington, D.C. Quicksilver arrives, with the only Inhuman anyone ever cared about, Lockjaw in tow.  He's there to meet with X-Factor, but finds himself in the middle of an anti-Roxxon demonstration.  One of the protesters proclaims that Roxxon is "raping the environment".  Not used to seeing that word in an early-90's superhero comic!



Quicksilver is informed that there's a bomb about to go off... and so, he rushes into action to take care of it.  He uses his speed to find and deactivate the boom-box.



Back in Genosha, Alex, Rahne, and Val are chatting about what X-Factor can offer.  Alex is steadfast in his refusal... which prompts the arrival of Professor X and Cyclops to try and convince him.  Wonder if Charlie's gonna use the ol' Mind-Wipe?  Nah, they're just going to tell him that Lorna's already signed on.



Speaking of Lorna, back in D.C. she answers a knock at the door.  It's Quicksilver, who's finally found his way over... looking much worse for wear.  Once inside the high-ceilinged room, he faints straight away.  Guido carries him over to the couch.



Some time passes, and we get a gag about the Inhumans convincing Ben Grimm that Lockjaw was a humanoid that became a dog instead've just being a dog.  Ehh, even with their jokes, the Inhumans are a complete bore.  We also learn here that something has happened to Pietro's powers... every time he uses them, his metabolism accelerates his aging.  So, in essence, his powers are killing him.



We rejoin the Genoshan contingent as they're flying back toward the States.  On board, we learn that Val Cooper has a brother who's in the F.B.I.  At present, he's working on a case regarding a girl who was found... dead, wrapped in plastic.  Hmm... I'm sure the first time I read this, I totally missed the Twin Peaks reference.



Quicksilver continues his tale of woe... he learned via a postcard that somebody in the Washington, D.C. area is responsible for his accelerated aging.  Just then, Havok and Wolfsbane arrive and announce that they're joining the team.  Alex and Lorna have a nice little reunion... much to Rahne's dismay.  Ya see, Rahne's recently gone through some stuff... and found herself emotionally attached to Alex.  We'll be dealing with that until issue #100.



Alex also gives opening the mayo jar a shot... and is just as unsuccessful as the rest.  Finally, Val gives it a wap on the edge of the table and easily unscrews the lid.  The mayo, it's worth noting, looks pretty disgusting.



That night, we learn that Jamie Madrox's mayo jar was a gimmick he invented back on Muir Island.  Why?  Who knows.  Anyhoo, as he's in the middle of congratulating himself, there's a knocking at his door.  He answers it... and is positively riddled with bullets!



Jamie is blown back by the shots... and crashes through a window!  He falls a few floors, and our issue ends with him laying lifeless and smoking.



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